Dear reader,
This blog is meant to nourish, comfort and inspire you with pictures, links, stories, humour, and a whole lot more.
Feel free to e-mail me for a private talk about whatever appeals to you.
If you want to know for what reason I started this blog, and how I turned my anxiety into energy, read my first blog about it
(last link under july 2013 on the right). To infinity and...... beyond! D)

Friday, 16 August 2013

And.. it's back again

It's good to write that my anxiety attacks sometimes do end, like yesterday. Just to prove it's not always this bad. Today, as usual I woke up in anxiety. I went for a long walk and couldn't stop worrying. I try to practise to be in the present but that's very difficult for me.
A friend asked me what I felt exactly when a have an anxiety attack (or better described: when I feel scared whole day(s). I found that hard to describe. Physically I feel I can't breath too well (and belly breathing mostly is making it worse). Mentally I'm constantly worrying, can't stop my brain and  I feel a lot of despair. This morning it struck me what the despair is about. It's the despair that I will never be happy again. It is the fear for depression (I had 3-4 severe despressions in my life) that is making me feel depressed. I'm crying right now and I don't know if this is freezing (the wrong reaction, because I'm not really in danger) or sadness. I feel so miserable, and it's hard to pretend you're quite all right when you feel that way. There is so much to enjoy and I feel nothing but pain.

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