Sometimes I really need to give myself a break. My anxiety level yesterday was sky high and I realised today that the steps I take are still (maybe always) far to big. A friend of mine said that I'm too smart for myself. In other words: I think/analyse too much. But strategies for coping with anxiety are not about thinking, talking or analysing. They are about accepting and let the feeling be there. And keep on talking (mostly inside my head) is certainly not accepting. She thinks I'm sometimes very harsh towards myself. I consider that as an euphemism. I just DID IT AGAIN: found a new therapy/strategy, thinking: this is it; the perfect solution for me, and then jump into it with an enourmous BANG! And... shit, it doesn't work. Why is this happening to me? What am I doing wrong? I have to analyse this to the bottom, I have to be perfect in it, I do my very very best... NO, WRONG! The steps I take are still to big and result in fighting or freezing (both reactions when your in real danger, which I'm not). Give it time to think in. Stop analysing. Feel and live!
Today I made this painting below. And I don't care that it's not art. It's an exercixe in making nothing. No shame, just having fun.