Dear reader,
This blog is meant to nourish, comfort and inspire you with pictures, links, stories, humour, and a whole lot more.
Feel free to e-mail me for a private talk about whatever appeals to you.
If you want to know for what reason I started this blog, and how I turned my anxiety into energy, read my first blog about it
(last link under july 2013 on the right). To infinity and...... beyond! D)

Saturday, 7 September 2013

Keep life simple (mood swings II)



I'm re-reading the Harry Potter books and I do understand the effect of dementors quite well. All day (for god knows how long) I'm struggling with a force that takes away all my energy and makes me feel totally miserable. There's nothing I can do about it, just sit out. It feels like you'll never be able to feel happiness again. In this stage tears roll down my cheeks from time to time, and I tell myself that's Ok. It's not my (or anybody's) fault. I only have to get trough the day. Put one foot for the other, do the dishes, wash my hair, put some comfortable clothes on. Keep drinking and eating, although my throat is dry and sticky, and nothing wants to get in.
The depressed feelings come in long waves and I literally have to keep on moving. Being busy. If I do nothing / sit still, the miserable feelings become unbearable. I have to keep on going.
And that's not the same as running away from it, although it's hard to see the difference. But, as I pointed out before, it's a crucial difference. Not running (but totally accepting how I feel) and moving on at the same time.
I chop my day into little tasks I can handle. Not pruning the whole garden, but a little part of it. Not cleaning the whole house, but just the kitchen. It's just a matter of get up, survive and go back to bed.
And sometimes, when I keep on going like that, there suddenly is a little present. The veils between me and the world are taken away, the cat from the neighbours is coming for a cuddle and I feel the sun shining on my skin. As just happened a few minutes ago.

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