For months now there have been no anxiety attacks. Just some minor grieve and sad feelings sometimes, but for most of the time kind of neutral or just OK.
I discovered that my restlessness and agitation - mostly in the morning - has to do with a distorted biorhythm.
In short: I don't (mostly because it isn't possible) go to sleep when my body (and mind) needs it, and when I have to get out of bed (because of work or to be with my partner) I wake myself with an alarm. Mostly when I'm in my REM-sleep, which feels awfull and I stay sleepy whole day.
On saturdays en sundays I want to catch up sleep, but my cortisol level rises and wakes me up. It's imposible to fall back asleep because my body is wide awake. The good thing is that this used to cause an anxiety attack. I couldn't move/get out of bed and the panic grew worse and worse. Now it's just an uneasy feeling. I'm not afraid of my emotions anymore.
I wonder what's next.
At work it's just no fun. Reorganization, just breaking things down, very little building up. I really have to pick my moments to get some energy out of my job at the moment. And set bounderies. As I did today: no more working for the next two days. Period.