Dear reader,
This blog is meant to nourish, comfort and inspire you with pictures, links, stories, humour, and a whole lot more.
Feel free to e-mail me for a private talk about whatever appeals to you.
If you want to know for what reason I started this blog, and how I turned my anxiety into energy, read my first blog about it
(last link under july 2013 on the right). To infinity and...... beyond! D)

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Toon Tellegen about loneliness

Yesterday I had a big big anxiety attack. Complete panic and totally alone. I don't know precisely what caused it, but I felt it grow and grow, and I couldn't get away.  Was it because of the book I was reading (Kafka at the beach from Murakami)? Or because of my very sick father? Or because of the menopause? Or because of changing medicine? Or (most likely) because I can't reach my partner? And probably a bit of  all the other things. I can't reach my feelings at the moment.

Somebody told me in the middle of the attack I was very ungrateful because I had so many good things in my life. That made it only worse, because for me an anxiety attack is the worst thing that can happen to me. Why should I be grateful for feeling so miserable? Nothing is worst than feeling existential loneliness. Of course that's not true (I never have experienced famine of torture for example), but I felt anger and frustration building up and I began to shout.  I must remember next time: go away.

Today my head is quite empty and I like it that way.
The story below is a beautiful story of the dutch author Toon Tellegen about loneliness. Sometimes I really like it.

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